Difference Between Men and Women

Handwriting:

Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just

chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the “i”

with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the “p”

and “g”. It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s

dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the

store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a

lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything

that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his

cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly

Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart

out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are

Idiots”. Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the

break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I

just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never

forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want

you to know that there’s always a chance for us.” This is known as

the “I Hate You /

I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at

least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help

men get over this need.

Sex:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back

to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can

function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and

giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school

romances rarely work out.