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It’s funny how people forget things of common sense when under pressure or in a tensed situation, like for instance job interviews. How many times you go to give a job interview and you end up with making a joke of yourself… or how many jokes we hear about people screwing up their interviews. Check out this ‘Don’ts’ list for the next time you go to an interview.

1. Do not ever be late.

2. Do not ever put your feet on the desk.

3. Do not eat garlic 24 hours prior. (Learn it, breathe it and live it, 24 hours prior to the interview that is)

4. Do not and I repeat DO NOT have a flapping dried nostril booger or a long protruding nose hair. (Remember civilized human not animal)

5. Do not have a stringer of spittle in the corner of your mouth. (Keep mirror nearby at all times, check before going in.)

6. Do not shake hands if your palm is cold, clammy and limp.

7. Do not wear sneakers unless they are brand new.

8. Do not wear a lapel pin of any sort unless it is the American or Mexican flag.

9. Do not ask about hours, salary, vacation, pensions, insurance or anything else that might be considered … well … not job related.

10. Do not say “bottom line” or “at the end of the day” less than five times every five minutes.

11. Do not quote Scripture or Seinfeld. (Or even Smart Guy)

12. Do not forget to “push back” at least once on some safe topic. (Yes do go back to that safe topic but don’t start telling folklore of pre historic times.)

13. Do not use words like “mammy”, “pappy”, and “gedder done” or “irregardless” unless it’s for a job at the Monster Truck rally.

14. Do not reach for your pocket flask unless you are willing to share it with the interviewer (which I highly encourage you do to break the ice).

15. Do not divulge what sex positions you like unless explicitly asked.

16. (Related to rule 15) do not use the “C” word under any circumstances, ever! “F”, “B” and “S” words are okay but only if encouraged by the interviewer. (And even if encouraged, refrain from calling anybody an F a C or a B)

17. Do not fall asleep.

18. Do not forget to leave when it’s over. (This should be written in golden words)